Monday, July 04, 2005

Random observations on the state of our union

11:48 CST. They shoot horses, don’t they? Kobayashi pulls away with yet another hot-dog eating crown. ESPN is broadcasting this event live from Coney Island – not the Deuce, not ESPÑ en espanol, not Fox Sports America. ESPN. The announcer refers to competitive eating as “our sport.” He compares Kobayashi to cycling champ Lance Armstrong.

15:17 CST. George Steinbrenner and our nation share a birthday. An apt anniversary for the robber baron red white and blue.

15:19 CST. Taylor John, Broadway actor and son of Tommy John, sings “God Bless America” at Yankee stadium. Taylor has long curly hair and wears sun shades. More than his father, he resembles the deaf and dumb pinball wizard from the musical that shares his old man's name.

15:32 CST. Our country is in bad health. It needs healing, and the sawbones in the White House is applying leaches. That’s right, he’s bleeding us. We’re lightheaded, folks, and we’re dying a slow death.