The game had been a rough one. A loss in the 10th inning, and
Roberts had gone 0 for 6 at the plate. Dejected,
he sat slumped in front of his locker, alone in the flickering lights amidst
the laundry bin of dirty uniforms, the floor of discarded tape and dried
Georgia clay. But then a long shadow
fell across the emptiness. It was Consuela.
She was the local Spanish language sports reporter. Long
black hair, shapely mouth, and even shapelier hips, she cut quite a figure. She
walked purposefully over to Roberts and stood hands on hips, towering above him. Six foot ten in her stocking feet, she was taller
still in the stiletto heels that no one had ever seen her without.
‘Como estas?’ She asked.
‘What?’ Roberts fumbled. ‘I don’t speak…’
‘Shhhh,’ she said. ‘The
locker room is dark, a secret place. Muy secretivo.’
‘It smells a little like the junkyard near where I grew
up.’
‘A little?’ She leered.
‘Mucho.’
He wanted to ask her about her heels, why she wore them,
but it was well known that the one player who ever dared to ask that question
had been kicked through the neck and was now working as a sign language TV simulcast
presenter. No one wants to have to learn sign language, Roberts thought, especially me. He suppressed the urge and glanced around the locker room.
‘What do you want…’
She quieted him again, this time by reaching down and pinching his
cheeks together tightly.
‘You talk too much compadre, uses up your energy.’
She let go of his cheeks and suddenly,
with her other hand, punched the locker next to him leaving a 4 inch dent.
‘That’s Santiago’s locker,’ Roberts began to protest, but
before he could finish she had reached down and picked him up by the shoulders,
lifting him above her head.
‘Hey, put me down! I’m afraid of heights!’
‘I’m going to show you something, muchacho, that no one has
ever seen.’
She dropped him and began to slowly unzip her knee high
heels. The tension was as thick as the
musty smell of the locker room, as the caked dirt between the spikes of his cleats.
She reached the bottom and paused, looking up with her big
brown eyes, and then slipped off the four foot high black boot. He gasped.
‘What?’ he said uncomprehendingly.
She removed the other boot much quicker and stood,
unsteadily, upon the two steel hooks that made an awkward substitution for
feet.
‘Huh?’ Not for the first time, Roberts was betrayed by words.
‘Now you know my secret,’ she hissed. ‘And I need you to do something.’
Quick as a jungle cat, she leaped into the air and grabbed a
hold of a water pipe that ran across the ceiling. Tucking her legs up under her, she did a slow,
graceful backwards somersault, before hooking her two metallic feet around the
pipe, and let her body dangle upside down.
‘You need me to make love to you?’ He winced.
‘No, senor. I just
need you to push me back and forth.’
He did so. It was like swinging a heavy punching bag. He had to use all of his strength to get her
moving. But once she gained momentum he
could just stand there and push her, like a child on a swing.
‘Weee.’ She said. And again.
‘Weeeee.’
He woke up hours later on the bench. Consuela was gone. Sunlight streamed through the small windows
near the ceiling. The
hamper of uniforms was gone. The floor
had been hastily swept. The door swung
open and in walked Santiago arriving for an early pre-game workout.
‘Hey, you been here all night?’
‘Yeah. I mean, I think so.
Consuela…’
‘Whoah.’ Santiago stopped and stared and swatted at a fly. ‘Consuela was here? With you?’
‘Yeah. I mean, it was weird.’
‘How weird? Did she
show you … anything?’
‘Man, she hung upside down like like some kind of batwoman.’
‘Batwoman?’
Santiago asked, shaking his head while he did some light calisthenics. ‘Consuela didn’t show you everything then. I’m going to do some steps. You in?’
‘Yeah, sure.’ Roberts
gulped. He didn’t like where this was
headed. And yet, everything seemed
strangely predestined. There was nothing to do but let the future take its
improbable but decided course. He noted that he hadn't thought about his recent batting slump, which was
good. Maybe he’d be able to turn things
around yet. On the other hand, it was pretty
clear he was about to embark on a steamy affair with a giant transvestite or transsexual
(he wasn’t sure which) and that somehow didn’t seem prudent. Not now.
Not in the month of May. Not this early in the season.
